I'm going to try to make this short, so I will get right to the point. Jon's dog that he had since college (a black lab named Sagoo) passed away a year and half ago. He was around 14 years old and we knew he was going to died so he was on my parents farm when it happened. Well, it didn't take Lexi long to figure out that he was no longer at the farm when we visited, and so she assumed that he died, and since that was true we didn't correct her. So, now every time someone asks her if we have a dog she says, "No, he died." Of course people are sad until I tell them how long ago it was. However, now Gracie has heard her sister say that so many times, she wants to tell people about our dead dog before Lexi can. Here is an example...The other day we were at Wal-Mart and we stopped to talk to a couple teachers from school. Gracie (remember she's 2) is telling them that we went to the beach and she didn't like the water so much, and then in the same sentence she says, "We got a puppy, and he died!" Oh course the teachers were so sad thinking we just bought a tiny puppy and he passed away this summer. I had to tell them that she, Gracie, was 6 months old when our 14 year old dog passed away, so I have no idea why she was telling them that. Then yesterday my sister and her kids were here playing and out of the blue Gracie got right in Alissa's face and said real loud, "Our puppy died." Thank goodness it was just my sister and I didn't have to explain that time.
I don't know what to do about all the talk about death, I mean it's not just about the dog. Sometimes Lexi will ask about people she hears us talking about if they are dead. Or she will ask people, "Where is your mom? Is she dead?" I told her the other day not to talk about people and animals so much that have passed away because it might make people sad, however, I don't want her to not talk about her relatives that have passed away. I don't know how to explain to a four-year -old mind what words to use and say and how to say it when dealing with death, a concept I know she barely understands, if at all. Any suggestions?
4 comments:
With the kiddos we just say that their bodies were too sick and their hearts live with Jesus. No advice on the animal part though.
We do tell her that they live in Heaven with God and Jesus, however, the other night this was our dinner conversation.
Lexi "My Grandma and my dog live in Heaven."
Me "Yes, they do."
Lexi "When will they come back to see me?"
Jon (caught off gaurd) "Well, they won't. They are waiting in Heaven for all of us to come to them."
Lexi "I am going to die. I don't want to die!"
Jon "You won't die till you are very old. Older then mommy and daddy."
Lexi "I don't want to get old. I want to stay this age."
Me "OK, I think we need to change the subject."
She's four and I know she has questions, we don't want to lie to her, but we don't want to tell her too much information at such an early age.
Ella having also experienced the death of her grandparents dog, Bumper and of course her great grandma and her grandma Earnhart at a very young age. She does talk about it fairly often but just asks if they're up in heaven with God and I say yes to all (even to Bumper). She did stump me the other day when she asked about a plant that died recently, wanting to know if it was in heaven too. I said only people go to heaven--and Bumper too! She's more interested in where heaven is. "Is it way up in the sky? Why?" Also when she mentions so and so died, I often change it around to say--"Grandma Earnhart or whoever loved to play with you and hold you when you were a little baby." And that seems to distract her from the death part.
I also try to never say something got sick and died because I don't want her to think when she or someone else is sick that we will die!
Good luck--they're all normal but challenging issues.....
Thanks for letting us in on priceless conversations. You could always talk about how great heaven is; no tears, pain, love, etc. Hope to see you all soon. Marion
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